I wanted to be a developer, and create the kind of games that I wanted to play. Now, I just want to survive.
I feel that there is some world that others were brought into, that I was left too long to believe that I am a part of it, and I suffered a lot, trying to have the normalcy that others take for granted.
This is not my world, I don't belong in it.
My goal is to become independent enough to not have to worry about other humans exploiting me at all, or die trying.
Knowing you can be disappeared any time, even if you do nothing wrong, will certainly keep you down, and subservient.
I bet that's what Epsteins experiments were...torturing and breaking children in various ways to see at what point they would co-operate with anything, including their own deaths.
Basically, you need to first be close enough to help in the first place. Just showing someone you care is nice, but online comments and assurances can only do so much when the person is actively suffering.
Sadly, it usually comes down to money in one form or another. If they can't cover medical and living expenses, and believe they will be unable to work, and left to rot alive on the street, they will just cut their losses.
If they live with chronic pain, or some other awful disease, again, money would help (painkillers, not worrying about work on top of that, and having time to cope and distract yourself). But just knowing that they will never be them former selves again, and that they will live for life with the condition, is usually enough for them to end their lives, and it is very hard to keep them from the brink.
Most people are social, and some will actually kill themselves out of despair, if they feel no one trully cares about them. So, these people not only need a friend, but obviously would benefit greatly from therapy.
One thing I noticed consistently, is that society is usually structured in such a way, to take anything worth living for from people, then someone comes along just long enough to pull them back from the brink, leaving them in the same conditions that made them suicidal. Then it's baffling when they do off themselves.
If we really want people to live, we need living conditions for them. But there is a massive discrepancy in what we say we believe in, and how we actually treat people. For example, we believe in equality, but very much look down on rural, low-class people, associating being born in a poor region with MAGA.
I can't explain to you. There is just some crucial lack with humans, a screw loose, that makes them non-viable as they are.
I'm convinced our primitive hardware can't keep up with the responsibilities of this new world, and we would need to geneticaly modify ourselves just to survive.
Even a small flaw tends to snowball when there are so many of us.
I have plans to prevent even the possibility of doing something bad. But something slips catastrophicaly every now and then. It's always some unexpected angle that I fuckup in, which is why instead of ever assuming I'm good, I will always assume I'm a piece of shit, and "Airgap" myself from others. This is also why I will never date.
As for others, well seeing the polls sometimes, the landlords, and the state of the world. Having people tell me "we all have ADHD", and that it is propaganda. I just stopped expecting them to be reasonable. Many people have entire groups they would like to watch suffer, and love to see exterminated.
If the world was back to what it was, we would destroy it again.
My mind was blown to find out that Pickles are not just another plant, and that Pickles and Cucumbers are the same plant.