i've been blocked for being pro trans in many communities.
because I'm not pro-trans enough. so i must want to kill all trans people. or so their logic goes.
it's not really often a reflection of the instance or the community, so much as one really really angry user or a few, who have decided you're the scum of the earth for voicing an opinion they don't agree with 120%. you know, toxic nutbag users.
extremists often thing anyone isn't as extreme as them is committing a hate crime against them.
anyway, i haven't been banned anywhere since, since i blocked the instances from which those types of folks tend to come from. and they overwhelmingly come from a few instances, and making a post in their instances basically paints a target on your back and they stalk you across the fediverse because well, that's the type of user they are. they could just... block you. but you know, that would be too simple, they need to feel like they have punished you for not agreeing with them.
I have been getting this argument the past few years, in person, that growing up in a poor family with uneducated parents makes me more privileged than people who grew up with doctors for parents in elite/rich places, and that means I had it better than they did and my life is better than theirs and I should have empathy for them and their lower privilege and more difficult lot in life.
however for too many people venting is all it ever becomes. and those people are always the same folks who won't let anyone vent to them. because everything becomes about what hapless victims they are and nothing can ever change their life.
way too many folks just want to vent vent vent vent vent and never ever address the problems. they refuse to change their job, refuse to try new things, refuse to meet new people, etc etc. and their entire identity becomes their misery. so yeah, they end up only being able to socialize with folks who endlessly validate their toxic attitudes and just get stuck like that for years or their entire life.
or they get stuck in a cycle of exploiting kind people who just eventually get sick of their shit and their poor miserable lifestyle. can't tell you how many of my exes, and how many people i date before i even get into a relationship, theri entire life is this cycle of misery and refusal to change and self-medication.
like you know how many first dates i go on where the person just vents at me for 45m about how they hate their life? like 2/3 of them. And yeah, as total stranger it's not my job to help you, it's to get the fuck away from you because you clearly lack the maturity and self-control to not dump your problems on a stranger. not to mention, most of the 'venting' done at me by these people are 'problems' like they can't afford first class plane tickets, or they can't afford a Porsche and it's not fair.
anyway, these are the same folks who demand others be 'emotionally mature' as in, validate them and never challenge them. because you know, it's everyone else's fault that you don't like your job, your ex was mean to you, your parents suck, etc etc. and they are supposed to fix it for you, otherwise they are worthless assholes. it can't be that maybe you're the worthless asshole who needs to fix your shit and make changes if things in your life are pathologically making you unhappy.
and as for you, sounds like you just are getting off on yourself by being a 'helper'. the truth is, you aren't really helping, you are more than likely enabling and validating shittiness. would you 'help' an alcoholic by buying them alcohol? plenty of victims of alcoholics fall into this trap of enabling and being abused by the person, that's the reason things like Al-anon exist, because folks who refuse to help themselves almost always end up dragging everyone else down with them.
Amen man. You have a great approach and this is the way we should be teaching folks.
I have a similar story. As a adult on my own, I just had so much perspective and ability to like deal with my depression. I also learned to just let it be and not fight it, an that usually just disempowered it and it was not as big of a deal.
Personally I feel too many folks don't think of mental health issues like physical problems. They treat them as this special mysterious thing, but a lot of the same solutions and techniques you'd deal with for physical problems or chronic pain really pragmatically translate to mental health.
And like mental health, folks with physical issues who refuse to acknowledge them often make them worse and become defined by them. And a lot of folks are really stupid and stubborn about these things and too proud to seek help or act like acknowledging the issue would make it worse or something. Or they might just go join some online community where they can complain without every having to get the pushback of changing something or seeking treatment, and fall into the self-pity cycle.
i had girlfriends with these issues.. they just often lack the emotional maturity/forethought to realize that there isnt' anything other folks can do, and they vaguely expect like other people to just magically make their problems go away, and they resent you for not being the 'cure' to their problem.
it doesn't necessarily have to do with mental health, it could be physical, or just a job they don't like, or a ton of other things.
the issue is the person suffering, is looking for a solution outside of themselves and their own actions, and refuses to acknowledge the solution requires them to change themselves or their circumstances, and often like change habits or lifestyle or etc.
i remember being a suicidal teenager and I just wanted it to stop, i wanted the bad feelings to stop. i had no clue how to get them to stop because they just kept coming at me. some people just... are like this their entire lives and they often self-medicate because that is a way to get them to stop temporarily. but getting them to stop systematically... is a much larger challenge, and there is no guarantee the problem won't come back.
and yeah one option is to join a community or have friends who just validate the shit out of your bad choices or share your frustrations and complaints with. because those folks won't ask you to change or try something new, they will just agree with you that you're fucked and there is nothing you can do.
you realize there is a whole other 6 continenets, 5 of which aren't europe where many people live? that has massively large distances between population centers.
i'm thinking of how many communities i had to block everytime i hit all until my block list was dozens long before I stopped seeing weird and gross crap from fetishists.
my shitbag local government has the best mass transit in the country by many metrics.
still, it doesn't go to rural areas or anywhere that isn't a wealthy suburb full of white people.
but yeah, i'll get write on that. ii'll just donate a few trillion to my local government so they can build electrify trains through all 351 towns and cities in my state.
oh nothing sexual, why is it that before i blocked all that stuff i got to see lots of explicit fetish content anytime i clicked on all, some of borderline pedophilia too.
most small towns in america have no jobs that pay a living wage.
that's why people drive 3-4 hrs a day to a city. so they can afford to live.
glad you live in your little bubble, did you inherent your home from your parents too, like every other lazy townie? not everyone gets hand outs like that in life. they have to pay their own way and their inherent little to nothing.
people live where this is economic opportunity, because they need it to survive. many folks jobs don't exist in rural areas.
Thanks. If they are going to have to put down kittens, yeah I can understand the desperation. I do feel like they were trying to guilt/shame me a bit, which is manipulative.
To be fair it was really depressing going to the shelters, but I take adoption very seriously and I know the right thing to do is find a cat that integrates with my existing lifestyle and my dog is the highest priority, and am not sure I would enjoy having a kitten, let alone two. Personally I'm not really a puppy/kitten person, my animals are/were all in the 3-5 age range when they were adopted.
The last two cats I adopted had been returned multiple times and it was tremendously rewarding to give them a home where they could be accepted and thrive.
Yes, one shelter we went to had 50 kittens and like 10 adult cats. The others weren't that bad, but most had about 50/50 kittens to adults. They were all about 80% full and said they had more cats available in fosters and more incoming.
because they want a front end that is more palatable to the average person?
you realize average folks loading lemmy, hitting all, and seeing anthropomorphized squirrels having graphic gay sex, would be offensive and upsetting to them, right?
i've been blocked for being pro trans in many communities.
because I'm not pro-trans enough. so i must want to kill all trans people. or so their logic goes.
it's not really often a reflection of the instance or the community, so much as one really really angry user or a few, who have decided you're the scum of the earth for voicing an opinion they don't agree with 120%. you know, toxic nutbag users.
extremists often thing anyone isn't as extreme as them is committing a hate crime against them.
anyway, i haven't been banned anywhere since, since i blocked the instances from which those types of folks tend to come from. and they overwhelmingly come from a few instances, and making a post in their instances basically paints a target on your back and they stalk you across the fediverse because well, that's the type of user they are. they could just... block you. but you know, that would be too simple, they need to feel like they have punished you for not agreeing with them.