It might well be that I’m asexual - that’s more or less how I identify. But the conflict there is my porn use. Would a truly asexual person get this addicted to porn? I doubt it. I suspect this might be something I’ve conditioned myself into rather than something I was born with. I started watching porn long before I ever had sex, so I don’t really remember a time when I had a “normal” libido that later faded because of porn. Still, there does seem to be some correlation with increasing porn use and decrease in the little interest I've had in sex.
I’ve been off porn and masturbation for about a month now. That's the longest time since I was 13 or so. I’ll keep running this experiment for a while and see if anything changes and then go from there. I’ve had blood tests done before, and my testosterone levels are normal. Go figure.
I was in an open relationship with my ex, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not for me. I understand that polyamory isn’t the same thing, but honestly, I think that would be even worse. I can handle the idea of her having sex with other guys - but the thought of her having romantic feelings for them is something I just can’t bear. I’m done with that kind of setup.
Right now, I’m focusing on dealing with my porn (and weed) addiction to see if quitting those changes anything. I’m also open to the idea of dating another guy - something I haven’t tried yet. But if neither of those things works out, and I can’t find a partner who’s okay with very little or no sex, then I guess that’s just the end of dating for me.
I'm in my mid 30s. Even once a year is a chore for me. Every time I've had sex is because it's expected of me - not because I want it. I'd be perfectly fine not having sex ever again.
No, I kind of agree - in a way, it is a superpower. Not wanting something is as good as having it. The desire to have sex with someone doesn’t cloud my judgment. I don’t have to waste mental or physical energy chasing something that’ll just come around again anyway. I’m free to use that time and energy for other things, while still being able to enjoy romantic relationships and non-sexual intimacy.
The problem is that what I was told growing up - that women don’t really want sex and men have to beg for it - just hasn’t matched my experience. Women do want sex, and when you’re the one who doesn’t, it can really mess up your relationships. I know women like that exist, and I’d love to find one - but for whatever reason, I seem to attract the wrong kind.
Anthony De Mello in his book "Awareness" says that one of the signs that you're waking up is when you start to question whether you're crazy or if everyone else is.
Porn and masturbation feel good. It’s the physical stimulation I’m addicted to - porn just amplifies it. You can even take it further with porn, drugs, and masturbation combined. It’s not about having an itch that I’m trying to get rid of; it’s about the sensation of scratching it that I crave. I start watching porn and masturbating first, and only then does the feeling of "horniness" follow. The idea of walking around with that itch - without having first triggered it through stimulation - is completely foreign to me. And honestly, I don’t need anyone else to scratch it for me - I’m better at it myself.
Firstly, the toupee fallacy: all toupees look fake. You may be able to spot all bad toupees but the good ones fly under your radar and thus you can't ever know how good you're actually at spotting them.
Also the assumption-as-fact bias. You think a story is false but did you ever get confirmation that you were right or are you treating your assumption as a fact?
I wasn’t trying to sound smarter than anyone - just sharing a feeling of not fitting in. It’s fine if you disagree, but response like that feels needlessly mean.
In either case, this is still bigger community and it allows NSFW topics. The point was that this felt like more apporopriate for NoStupidQuestions than AskLemmy.
I’m skeptical of the whole nofap idea - at least in the “never masturbate again” sense - because the scientific consensus seems to be that masturbation is fine, even beneficial, in moderation. Porn, however, is a different story. It might be more like alcohol: objectively harmful even in moderation, but in practice the negative effects are negligible for most moderate users. You could even make an argument that it has some situational upsides. But there are also people who clearly develop real issues with it - where it starts to affect their lives in negative ways. When it comes to porn, I’m one of those people.
Now, if I stop masturbating, that automatically means I’ve quit porn too - and it’s very possible I’ll see an improvement in my life satisfaction as a result. I can see how someone might then turn into a nofap advocate, but I think the risk there is misattributing the cause. The problem probably isn’t masturbation itself - it’s porn.
I’ve quit both for now, but I do plan to start masturbating again at some point. Porn, though, I’m not sure I should even try to moderate. For me, that’s like an addict saying they’ll only try a little heroin.
It might well be that I’m asexual - that’s more or less how I identify. But the conflict there is my porn use. Would a truly asexual person get this addicted to porn? I doubt it. I suspect this might be something I’ve conditioned myself into rather than something I was born with. I started watching porn long before I ever had sex, so I don’t really remember a time when I had a “normal” libido that later faded because of porn. Still, there does seem to be some correlation with increasing porn use and decrease in the little interest I've had in sex.
I’ve been off porn and masturbation for about a month now. That's the longest time since I was 13 or so. I’ll keep running this experiment for a while and see if anything changes and then go from there. I’ve had blood tests done before, and my testosterone levels are normal. Go figure.