First, that was a really nice story, thank you for taking the time to write all of that out

Secondly, yeah, the intellectual colonization of Christianity is a really tragic thing. I was personally raised by people who had been abused by the kind of conservative and dominating religion you described when they were kids and who had left their churches, so I was allowed to believe whatever I wanted growing up and just relate to the Bible as a collection of cool stories and good quotes (as well as some weird and bad ones), imo not as good as Kurt Vonnegut but better a lot better than Tom Clancy (look I read whatever was on the shelves of my local library whether it was good or not).

What I'm trying to say there is it isn't a personal thing for me either way, because I never really got bullied by a bad church or had a strong family connection with a good one. But I have seen both of these things in other people, and either way, whether they hate/fear the church or associate or with family and community, the reflexive emotional responses those people have had were undeniably genuine and persistent. Those experiences (along with a lot of neurological research suggesting most human beings have brains that are structurally predisposed towards wanting a connection with a god-like force, which is probably why so many separate groups have independently come up with religions) have really convinced me that religious belief is an almost inextricably deep part of a person's psyche (a lot like sexuality and gender actually).

And yeah, there have definitely been concerted efforts by states and rich people and tyrannical assholes of all sorts who want to use this thing that has such a deep hold on most people to justify themselves since Constantine. But also there's a bunch of examples of this backfiring and religion causing people to rebel, from Martin Luther to John Brown. And also, there's a ton of examples of religion bringing people together from sides that shouldn't have gotten along and getting them to work together, from the Christmas truce in WWI to the American Civil Rights movement bringing white churches from the north to volunteer alongside black churches in the south to register black voters.

So, yeah, religious belief is a really complicated thing with good and bad aspects, but it is a powerful thing and something everyone needs to sort out for themselves one way or another. It sounds like you're walking your path now and I'm glad to hear it!