It's the 20s version of "the internet is a series of tubes". They couldn't explain it if they wanted to, but all they care about is that the bribes are still spending.
Because we don't have dial-up anymore, so if it takes that long it's because someone made a shit website. See: every newspaper site that is like two paragraphs of text interspersed with 15 skyscraper listicle ads.
What are the odds of blue states setting up their own mail services in response to this?