I do that and I have a BS in mathematics. and in 4th grade I literally used to write "I hate math" at the top of my math homework. as much as primary education systems want it to be, computation speed is not mathematical aptitude. you can memorize multiplication tables up to 20, that's not gonna help you understand Cantor's theorem
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Asking the right questions...
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"Cloak of Feathers" by The Sword https://youtu.be/AlCJ1BsfMWc
"of owl and of raven, of peacock and dove, of swan and of sparrow, woven with her love. face hidden in shadow, beneath a hood of quills, the pinions of her raiment conceal all her ills."