I don't think anyone has a perfect childhood. Anyway, mine's was pretty bad in my opinion (my mom was an alcoholic, aggressive type, and my dad was addict to casinos and shit).
I think that when I was growing I knew something was bad, like, I had to help my mom to walk, or we had a lot of money and then nothing. They even did coke and shit "hiding" from me but.. You know, kids are not stupid. When it got really bad, I knew I would never be "normal", I had anxiety and panic attacks every day, I couldn't attend school and I tried to stop my life.
Now I live w my girlfriend, and I noticed some patterns, I know I have to be far away from drugs (I tried them, tho) because I just feel I'm proned to be addicted really fast. I noticed myself sometimes thinking into just deal my problems w alcohol, even if I remind myself that's not the way. I always feel like I have to earn love by doing something (chores, giving money, anything)..
So yeah, I think is going to be like this forever, but you can manage it, I went to therapy, and I have my ways to deal with it.. So if everyone is a bad moment rn, don't worry, you can do this, I'm sure, even if you aren't.
May I ask why?? I speak Spanish so maybe I didn't write it well