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Hossenfeffer

@ Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

Posts
7
Comments
777
Joined
3 yr. ago

Look, you get born, you keep your head down, and then you die. If you're lucky.

#fedi22

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  • At a minimum I'd expect:

    • real beard
    • fake beard
    • glass eye
    • large feet
    • outrageous Irish accent
    • full range of card-sharp skills
    • knife-fighting
    • chair-fighting
    • chair-throwing
    • caving, pot-holing, and spelunking
    • seduction
    • animal familiar
    • phat skate-boarding or BMX skillz.

  • What were you surprised to learn wasn't actually normal?

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  • How to properly flirt?

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  • Flirting is all about observation and escalation. Flirting is a game of fun, it is not seduction. You do it to entertain and entice, not to get your end away.

    You start with a comment, or joke, or double entendre. If your flirtee responds in kind then you progress and maybe escalate a little with another comment or joke or double entendre. What's most important, though is the observation. If your flirtee backs down then you fucking back down too. If your flirtee misses the cue then you back down. If you're not sure, you back down.

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    Do you also notice that a lot of Lemmy users do not get irony, sarcasm etc subtelty?

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  • Sarcasm is, like, totally for losers.

  • What were you surprised to learn wasn't actually normal?

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  • Poop knife life?

  • What's one sign that you've "become an adult"

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  • Fuck off you sanctimonious prick. I’m rewilding.

  • What's a relatively minor thing to most people that you WISH you could have?

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  • recorded my singing with an old cassette recorder

    Hmm, perhaps this is the key. I sing a lot, in the car, or the shower, or when no-one is around, so I get practice in but I don't (can't) hear what I'm singing properly.

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  • What's one sign that you've "become an adult"

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  • Owning a proper lawn-momer like the one my dad had. A proper petrol, cylinder mower like this one:

    I bought a refurbished on from eBay. Sadly my lawn is too shitty and bumpy to use it, so I just use a Honda IZY which does a perfectly good job but it's not like the one my dad had.

  • What's a relatively minor thing to most people that you WISH you could have?

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  • A half-decent singing voice.

    To illustrate how bad my singing is: our school did a musical every year. One year it was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The music department set up auditions. First they did a speaking audition, after which I was short-listed for Joseph. Then they did the singing audition. I ended up being 'one of the brothers, the one who doesn't really sing anything'.

    I don't even want to be an awesome singer, just be able to carry a tune recognisably.

  • What were you surprised to learn wasn't actually normal?

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  • Mine are all pretty mild.

    Everyone reading all the time at home. Pretty much every room had bookcases, full to bursting with books. When I was old enough to have friends around they all said how weird it was to have so many books.

    My parents were really emotionally distant. I don't recall either of them telling them they loved me - or each other for that matter. No hugs or kisses. More than one of my girlfriends called me an emotional cripple.

    Home-cooked food every night. We never ate out, never had takeaway. My mum was a great cook though so although my friends seemed to think it was weird I'd never had a MacDonalds when I finally did try it I didn't understand the hype.

    Oh, and the poop knife, of course.

  • What were you surprised to learn wasn't actually normal?

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  • Your daughters are all the same colour and shape?

  • What are some of the craziest censorship instances on TV shows you have seen?

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  • 7-Zark-7

  • Anyone got some good replacement swears to replace the typical religious variety?

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  • I can do this all day!Chosen specialist subject.

    Shitting biscuits!Foamy gushing twat!Wank spanner!Rancid gobstopper!Juicy fat ballsack!Piss on a stick!Sloppy jizz mop!Spunky pus bucket!Steaming shit stain!Thirsty cock gobbler!Greasy prick spasm!Fuck a duck!Crusty cum sock!William H. tap-dancing Macy on a motherfucking motorcycle!Retching cunt nugget!Flacid spunk sock!Mouldy knob cheese!Pint of shart!Gaping arse sleeve!Pus-filled pussy pocket!

  • If you could explain to your 19 year old self what you are doing with your life today, what would they say?

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  • "What kind of career strategy was 'go with the flow', old man? Oh, but it worked out ok? Good to know."

  • Which default settings on anything do you look to change ASAP?

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  • 1980s personal computer. ASDF was standard for a lot of games on it.

  • Which default settings on anything do you look to change ASAP?

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  • Did you own a spectrum?

  • Which default settings on anything do you look to change ASAP?

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  • Invert Y-Axis

  • Whats your favourite sound?

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  • The sound of an English country garden on a Sunday in summer.

    This is a composite of several sounds all of which must be quiet or distant enough to not be a distraction but which in conjunction are glorious:

    • the sound of the breeze through the trees
    • childrens’ laughter just far away enough to not be bothersome
    • bees buzzing from flower to flower
    • a propeller-driven light aircraft from a nearby aerodrome (ideally this would be a vintage plane with a Merlin engine, lazily warbling in the distance)
    • the sound of leather on willow, and the occasional call and muted cheer, from a cricket match on the village green
    • the gentle burble of a stream
    • church bells, far enough away that their individual peels almost blend into each other
    • the clink of ice as someone pours a perfect gin and tonic.