Skip Navigation

Brave Little Hitachi Wand

@ yakko @feddit.uk

Posts
6
Comments
947
Joined
2 yr. ago

  • Ah beans

    Jump

  • Hate that shit. Just as bad as THAC0.

  • Microsoft Wants to 'Make People Addicted' to its New AI Assistant, Internal Documents Reveal

    Jump

  • Oh we're the target, just not the customer.

  • Nvidia chases $200B CPU market with AI agent PCs from Microsoft, Dell, and HP

    Jump

  • I hope you're right. It's time for private equity to take a massive beating.

  • SCOTUS Cobbles Together Excuse to Let Alabama Discriminate Against Black Voters in New Order

    Jump

  • The current situation came from using "norms" instead of "laws with actual enforcement mechanisms" in politics. There's probably no saving those norms anymore, they'll have to be reforged as laws.

  • What cities have bad vibes or just feel "off"?

    Jump

  • I did not know that. That is a fun fact!

  • What cities have bad vibes or just feel "off"?

    Jump

  • Dallas Fort Worth and Houston both felt like a place God forgot. Didn't visit the rest of Texas, I could have been picking up on the state's overall vibe.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump

  • With these fuckers, that's as good as a fact.

  • Trump Administration to Dismantle Ocean Monitoring System

    Jump

  • It's pretty much their exact aim.

  • What is your absolute favorite joke?

    Jump

  • Aw cheers, thanks for reading. I dream of finding a horse furry to pick their brains for better material. Something that really demonstrates a genuinely prurient mania that a non-horsefucker can't really replicate. A joke like this is like Evel Knievel, you just hit the gas and go for airtime, yanno?

  • What is your absolute favorite joke?

    Jump

  • Actually, I was working on something similar. The original 'stable relationship' joke is very compact and for me, kind of unfunny. I decided to adapt it into an Aristocrats format. I wanted to spin this out into a five minute monologue and commit it to memory, someday:

    A man has been admitted to the trauma unit after inserting a massive collection of objects into his anus, following an unhinged crime spree of public indecency, raucous violence, and gravely harmful bestiality.

    He was apprehended by police at the Churchill Downs after a dispute with a jockey. Apparently he had pinched their riding crop and was whipping himself and shrieking like a mare in heat. He was discharged from custody immediately, as it was apparent he had a life-threatening number of objects inside his body. Later, the partially-eaten body of a horse was found hidden under a pile of shit-covered hay. The opinion of the forensics lab was that the horse was slain in a crime of passion.

    On arrival, doctors found the man completely insensitive to all known sedatives, until they tried a near-lethal cocktail of horse tranquilizers and Mongolian fermented horsemilk known as airag, which calmed him enough for imaging to be taken.

    The preliminary x-rays showed eight My Little Pony toys and one limited edition plushie of Twilight Sparkle, a hardback copy of Equus and a well-worn paperback of Animal Farm, an unloaded Colt revolver, half a lucky horseshoe, a lasso, a ten gallon hat, a pink Himalayan salt lick, figurines of Mr. Ed, Maximus, and Secretariat, a Lego cowboy set, a half-empty pony keg, two white knight chess pieces and one black one which kept on falling out (because he’s been shitting himself uncontrollably this whole time you see), and the broken staff of a hobby horse, which protruded three feet from him. The head of the hobby horse he was using as a sort of codpiece, whose whereabouts are currently unknown. It was later found on eBay and recovered at great expense.

    Prior to the procedure, his condition was reported as 'stable'.

    Anyway, it's not quite there yet. There are some parts that feel kind of hat on a hat? I'd appreciate any notes you might have, I'll take any critical feedback; after all, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

  • What is your absolute favorite joke?

    Jump

  • That's incredible, goddamn!

  • Nope

    Jump

  • Saw a video about this. Apparently galactic voids are pretty hard to enter for reasons that elude my 6am brain. Something to do with gravity.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump

  • They've really integrated the big tech ethos of fail faster

  • Massive leadership vacuum weakens U.S. diplomacy in the face of global crises

    Jump

  • Yeah but since when do people believe campaign promises?

  • Nvidia launches ‘superchip’ putting AI power into laptops and PCs

    Jump

  • Every corporation for some reason: Nah you gotta

  • Massive leadership vacuum weakens U.S. diplomacy in the face of global crises

    Jump

  • Trump fired America from its job as global hegemon... His presidencies have been maybe the worst thing to ever happen in my lifetime, but I still see the humour in it.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump

  • I can name a few that are basically fine, but I can just agree instead, let's flush that toilet once and for all.

  • Removed

    Classmates, school officials and police asked a court — unsuccessfully — to keep mass shooter away from his dad’s guns

    Jump

  • Your right to swing a fist has always ended where my nose begins. In this case, the swung fist is a cache of weapons left where a mentally unstable person can gain access to and misuse them. It's certainly valid to own weapons, but that ownership is a liability that requires investments in safety.

  • More than half of Americans say the cost of living is worse under Trump than at any other point in their lives

    Jump

  • Of course, the state of media is deliberately degraded. There's a reason billionaires like to own all the news outlets.