Trump Claims He Banned Epstein "Before It Was Cool"—Timeline Says Otherwise

Palm Beach, FL — In yet another dramatic twist in the never-ending saga of “Donald Trump vs. Reality,” the former president has once again boldly claimed he “kicked Jeffrey Epstein out of Mar-a-Lago long before anyone else knew he was bad news.” According to Trump, this decisive moral stand occurred sometime around the moment he invented the word “covfefe.”

During a recent rally, Trump told supporters, “I was the only one who had the guts to throw Epstein out of my club. Nobody else did it. I did it early. Very early. People were amazed. Some say it was the earliest ban in history.”

There’s just one problem: that’s not true.

The Receipts Public records and multiple reports, including a well-sourced 2002 profile in Vanity Fair (back when Trump was still on speaking terms with the publication), suggest Trump and Epstein remained cordial well after Epstein's behavior was widely whispered about among the elite. In fact, Epstein was a regular guest at Mar-a-Lago, with Trump famously quoted as saying: “I’ve known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.” Ah yes, the telltale language of a man morally outraged.

Despite Trump’s insistence that he heroically ejected Epstein "sometime in the 90s, probably earlier, maybe even before I built Mar-a-Lago, who knows," multiple reports peg the actual incident—reportedly involving a dispute over Epstein flirting with the daughter of a member—closer to 2007. That just so happens to coincide with Epstein’s first major run-in with the law, which makes Trump’s claim sound less like principled foresight and more like “Oh no, the yacht is sinking—time to jump ship.”

Revisionist History for Dummies Trump’s ability to rewrite his own timeline is nothing short of Olympic. He could make George Orwell blush. From claiming he opposed the Iraq War (he didn’t), to saying he saw “thousands” of Muslims cheering in New Jersey on 9/11 (he didn’t), to asserting he won the 2020 election (he didn’t), Trump’s relationship with the truth is, at best, on a trial separation. His Epstein claim is just the latest entry in the ever-expanding “Trump Mythos,” a rich fictional universe where Trump is always the hero, never the villain, and definitely never a guy who partied with Epstein years after everyone else started asking, “Hey, what’s up with that guy?”

Final Verdict Once again, Trump has proven that when faced with an inconvenient truth, he’ll reach for a Sharpie and just draw a new one. As always, the truth is out there—just not at Mar-a-Lago, and definitely not at Trump rallies. Coming up next: Trump insists he warned the Titanic about the iceberg—personally.