Thanks for this! 47 has me feeling like I have one foot in the grave. I think that's one of the reasons I'm pursuing this PhD. I mean, it's free, I have oodles of on-the-clock time to do the work (7 hours a day), and it puts me back in school, which I seem to equate to youth. I'm not the oldest in the program either, which makes me feel a bit lighter in the casket.
Thanks! Excellent suggestions on finding one's potential outside of employment. I need hobbies, friends, activities. I'm in a rut socially. I abandoned all social media around 2020 when the insane publicly identified a corrupt, sociopathic, pedophile and chose to make him a leader. My return to socials happened just this year, and you're looking at the extent of it now.
Unfortunate events and failed relationships have guided me to this point socially. Nothing ever within my control, just the way things played out. But these instances cost me some serious time and wasted perspective. Example, I was once a family man. Thought that was my calling. Being a father. A husband. Didn't work out. She discovered she was poly following our daughter's birth. Infidelity, I try to divorce her, turns out we were never legally married despite having an officiated ceremony, reception, the whole nine. During the divorce process, it was discovered the state had no record of our marriage as the certificate had never been returned. Our officiant had us sign the documents immediately after the ceremony, and that was the last we saw them. So all of the family dynamics that play into a divorce were void. She sold the house, gained custody (VA loves to give custody to the mother, especially if they make more $$$) and moved away with our daughter just far enough to make scheduled visitation a challenge. I believe this was intentional, as she was not keen to me being disapproving of her poly lifestyle. She's insane.
I can dig this. How do you break that cycle of thinking? That it's acceptable to not capitalize on your potential. Is this in the vein of "life is what you make it?" I'm not making anything with my life.
Having a job was my parents only aspiration for me. They thought college was a waste of time, and that I would be better off finding a job in retail, working my way up the ladder into management like my father, and live with self-inflicted misery for the rest of my life.
I've been employed since 12 years old. I'd only been without a job for roughly 18 months back in the early 00s when I was furloughed from a customer service role at a bank. I was given a nice retention and severance bonus, so I took that money and started an associates degree. Finished it in under two years, picked up a part-time gig, transferred credits, worked and earned my bachelors.
I equate success to maintaining a job. Just the way I was wired, I suppose. I would much rather find success in something not involving money, but I can't separate the idea of success from money. Capitalism.
Almost 20 years at my current employer. Stepping away without something else already lined-up sounds like career suicide. Yet another reason I'm hesitant to shake things up.
Thanks for this. Justifies some of what I've recently been doing. I've been at this job for almost 20 years. I've been awarded the top employee honor at work, essentially the "outstanding achievement" award for employees. Not sure why. This was just a few years ago, when I essentially quietly quit.
Recently received notification I had been moved to the final search committee for a major leadership role at a neighboring college. Regardless of the outcome, this was primarily an attempt to see what interest there still is out there. This would be a CIO role, one I'm more than capable of running with considering the size and scope of the school. I just don't know if that is even how I want to end my working life.
Nobody prepared me for any of this. I guess none of are technically.
"imagine you are on your deathbed" is exactly where my mindset currently resides. I'm not close enough to the grave to truly be feeling this way, but I do feel like this is crisis-time, and with zero guarantee I'll survive another 20 years, I'm beginning to value and fear time.
All of these suggestions have merit, and I appreciate them immensely. The scenario you painted is one of my greatest fears, with a slightly greater fear being that I don't have answers to any of those questions. I try to live without regret. Do I have regrets? Absolutely. Do I allow them to control my existence? Well, that's what the meds are for.
In all seriousness, I don't know what I want my answers to be. Without answers to the impossible questions (what is the point of all of this?), I struggle to not only find answers, but to formulate questions worthy of answers.
Thanks for sharing your current thought process on the scenario. It feels like hanging in there is the same as giving-up sometimes. But then I think, why do I want more work and responsibility if I'm living comfortably where I'm at?
It's a personal ethics issue. I want to crush the capitalist machine and steal time, but I also feel like I have so much more to offer to the world. I'm just not sure what that involves. My interests and hobbies haven't changed in decades (aside from quitting the drink). Zero aspiration.
If I'm reading these comments correctly, I sould be seeking a late career change to a trade of some sort. I've haven't seen a robot plumb a shitter (yet).
I am looking for advice, and yes, this is totally my current situation.