Any pronouns. 33.
Professional developer and amateur gardener located near Atlanta, GA in the USA.
I'm using a new phone keyboard, please forgive typos.
git pull # you see bullshit git reset --hard HEAD@{1} git push --forceSolved! Tell your coworker to make their own branch!
Honestly, yeah. I mean, not the best but I definitely am more in favor of comments being a commentary than explaining what's happening. Explaining why is better than what, but in general, comments where anything absolutely bonkers is happening are useful. Bare minimum, I think some sort of acknowledgement that the person writing the code also recognized their code was weird (necessarily or not) is nice.
They did the joke wrong. To do it right you need to use the ÷ symbol. Because people never use that after they learn fractions, people treat things like a + b ÷ c + d as
a + b ----- c + dOr (a + b) ÷ (c + d) when they should be treating it as a + (b ÷ c) + d.
That's the most common one of these "troll math" tricks. Because notating as
a + b + d - cIs much more common and useful. So people get used to grouping everything around the division operator as if they're in parentheses.
Did either of those do banker's rounding?
This reminds me of a time at work when we got sued. The company was allegedly using (or had copies) of some tool we couldn't have anymore. Annoying, but fine. However, to check this, they scanned all of our computers for the name of that company. They told us all to delete our entire local Maven repository. Someone who worked there was on the commiter list for a couple of open source projects. I just manually deleted those files because I knew for a fact that our central Maven repository didn't have some of the versions of our own code on it and I wasn't confident we wouldn't need them again. Turns out I was right and needed to grab one later on to upload. Because I manually deleted the files with the company's name instead of just deleting everything, the scanner thing they were running didn't detect offending files. (Not that a file listing someone's email address as a commiter to an open source project should be offending, but still.)
It was a Java project and every class was in a separate Maven module.
It's all very fuzzy. These are not objective terms. These are things marketing agencies make up and then claim to know how to advertise to. I'm not saying different age groups don't have similarities but to when it gets to very specific things like "Gen Z stopped in 2012" it's not really a fact.
45° in Kelvin: ☝️🤓 Actually it's not degrees Kelvin, just Kelvin
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Today I got told in a meeting by my manager that he's being told we all have to use AI at every stage of the development process. I mentioned that, as a contractor, they don't allow me to use these tools, and if they could give me access. Nope. I hate this. It's all such bullshit.
I still get The Vultures Ate My Dead Ass Up stuck in my head.
Oxygen? Oh, you mean rocket fuel?
That's totally fair that you don't think it fits, but I don't think the other user was out of line for suggesting it might.
The way you say "potentially diseased" is pretty rude. That's not how I view folks with ASD. All of this is because someone who has ASD and thought OP was going through something similar. I have ADHD. If I saw someone speaking about one of the pivotal moments that led to me getting a diagnosis I might say to them "have you may considered you have ADHD and sought a diagnosis?"
I asked what the contract is, not what the reaction should be, or are you saying you'd say the contract is the reaction?
They do still surprise me, sometimes, but they finally understand that there's a cost, to me, to it. And now they weigh that into their decision, and it is so nice for me!
This part is important. I touched in it a little in my comment to OP as well, but it's easy to forget that a relationship is not only about how you show love, but how you accept it. I'm glad you're able to accept some surprises and I'm glad your partner has accepted that not everything should be a surprise. It's a good compromise!
Just running a web search for "ASD gift disappointment" gives a ton of articles, not necessarily the exact situation OP is in, but it's enough to say that I think it's a common thing.
Also, I think having difficulty conforming to a culture is another thing ASD folks have, no? It's acceptable to not conform, of course, not saying otherwise.
Respectfully, what contract do you think this gift represented? What do you think you'd be getting out of by not accepting it?
(Quick aside, I don't know all the details, so I use a lot of imprecise language to account for uncertainty.)
A very common reason that people like old things is that they are trying to be self sacrificial or frugal to save money. I'm not saying that's why you are, but it's important to realize. Your wife could very easily see you always doing this as you trying to be nice and save money for the family/pair of you rather than getting yourself something nice. I'm sort of like that. I have a weird aversion to spending money so don't always get myself nice things.
Gifts can be given for a lot of different reasons. It's sort of difficult to quantify why because it's something emotional. Giving someone a gift card for something can feel better than giving money because it is more specific to their interests, and giving a specific gift is even moreso.
I think your spouse perhaps sees you every day surrounding yourself with things that they view as old and broken and maybe thinks you're doing it because you don't want to spend the money or treat yourself to something nice. So for a gift, they may have thought "for once, my spouse deserves something nice, I want them to have something nice and new."
Then, when you say "I don't like this, I like my old one" it hurts their feelings perhaps because they think you're saying it's a bad gift. They may have put a lot of thought into this expensive gift, maybe even thinking long and hard about what aspects about it you may use more. I think you said it's a kitchen appliance in another comment? So I'll assume it's something like that, just to help explain. Say it's something like a kitchen top mixer. Maybe they thought about the foods you make and the attachments and may have even thought about specific times you struggled with the older one (that despite working fine, maybe doesn't have features some new ones have). If all of that is true, when you say it's not a good gift, you could be saying all that thought and effort was incorrect.
Something frustrating about this is that there isn't really a right answer. There's not necessarily an objectively correct answer to whether they should've gotten you the gift and whether you were wrong to ask to return it and set a boundary about newer items as gifts. You two are in a relationship. Relationships are about compromise. You brought up the nerdy shirt thing as an example. It could be comparable, but it's hard to say. If the shirt selection process is something like "my spouse likes superman and there is a superman shirt at the store, I'll buy it" and their gift selection process is something like "my spouse uses this item nearly every day, this is how they use it, these are the things they struggle with, these are the features they would benefit from having, I'll get them this one" then no, they aren't comparable. (But, I don't know everything, the thought process could've just been "let me go to an online store and pick the one with the best reviews" and nothing more.) I don't wanna make assumptions and apply them, that's part of why a lot of this is sort of vague and "if if if", but it could very well be that they didn't want the shirts in part because they know they won't wear them and also because they may have thought you weren't putting a lot of thought into them.
Every relationship is unique. We have to not only think about how we show love, but also how we're willing to accept being loved. Gift giving is a love language. This gift may have been a very intimate and genuine expression of love from your spouse. Asking them to return it would hurt their feelings very badly. And it sounds like it did if they had to leave the house.
How did you feel when you agreed to not buy them nerdy shirts? Was it just sort of like "okay, I can do that" or was it devastating? Thinking about compromising and how we both show love and accept love, it might not be comparable. If nerdy shirts bother them but you not being able to give them doesn't upset you, then that's a win, right? No downside. But if you not wanting something new upsets you and it also really upsets your spouse not being able to give them, then it's complicated. And whether or not you should accept the gift isn't really the point I'm making in this moment, I'm just trying to help explain why this situation may not be as comparable to the shirt scenario, despite seeming like it is.
My gut feeling to all of this is that you should just accept gifts. That was how I was raised. Maybe it's just considered a polite thing because of the culture of where I live (southeast US). But that moment is past. You can't go back to how you reacted when you opened it so it's no use talking about. What has happened is that your spouse's feelings are hurt and you hurt them. It doesn't matter who is in the right at this moment, what matters is that you hurt them. You need to apologize for hurting their feelings. Try to understand their feelings and apologize for the things you did that hurt them. Don't provide explanations or defend yourself, because apologies aren't about who is right and wrong, they're about who is hurt.
In general, I think asking someone if you can return their gift is pretty rude. I always try to include a gift receipt in case people want to, but getting told to my face "I returned your gift because I didn't like it" would be upsetting.
I definitely think discussing some new boundaries after this are in order. Not necessarily because either of you did anything wrong (because I also want to give you the benefit of the doubt that this gift may have upset you too), but because this situation led to a scenario where both of you got really upset. Maybe a cash limit on gifts? Maybe gifts over that limit you discuss together? "Honey, you always use that old mixer, and you deserve a new one, I want to get you one." "No, but thank you, I like this because X and Y." Or, if the surprise aspect is important to your spouse and they really don't want to ruin it, maybe you can agree on no gifts over a certain price that are replacements for things you already have? And that if she gets it wrong, you still accept the gift maybe? Maybe you both agree to talk about gifts over that price limit prior to purchase?
Relationships and love can be difficult things. But communication is key. Apologizing is key. Apologize for hurting their feelings without defending your actions or explaining yourself. Once they feel better, talk about what the new boundaries might look like.
The more insane, unlikely, and catastrophic the error, the more appropriate an insane, terse, apocalyptic error message is.