A cunt, I see, he may not beBut what, I ask, could then be he?He's soft, so he can't be a dick,Not sociable, hence he's no pig,No fucker (I don't know - does he?)No arse - he lacks utility.There's no good name, but don't you fret -For now let us just call him Ted.
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Just say you're catering to those with a humiliation fetish you get to eat your cake and have it too.