Get a used Dell Latitude 5310 on ebay, they cost around $200-ish. Get one with at least 16GB RAM. They're cheap, modern, easy to repair and have a stupidly long battery life. Install Linux Mint. You're done.
The prophecies about the end times, about now. One of them says "and the love of the greater number will grow cold". This, right here. The last few years.
TLDR: Make the system error on boot, then use a usb ethernet to pxe boot using an older version of the bootloader with the bug, then make that bootloader error on boot to boot the linux payload via PXE that grabs the hardware key in memory (which is the bug).
Microsoft's fix will be to revoke the platform keys of the older bootloader, enforcing the use of the newest bootloader.
Insert snarky comment about needing WinRAR