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Agent641

@ Agent641 @lemmy.world

Posts
29
Comments
1913
Joined
3 yr. ago

  • Every tech company

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  • They install cameras and sell the feed access to the highest bidder.

    They force you to watch a 30 second ad for each wad of toilet paper used

    You can pee for free, but pooing requires you to sign up with your email address and credit card.

    You get regular notifications informing which of your friends are pooing nearby.

    Invite 3 friends to get 1 month premium pooing for free.

    Get an ultra yearly subscription and you get a frosted glass cubicle for enhanced privacy (camera feed remains in cubicle)

  • Dell Sales team told to return to office 5 days a week

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  • It just might

  • Oops!

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  • You could save money on circumcisions by beaming your foreskin out into space

  • Oops!

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  • Could I theoretically lock onto the poop in my lower intestine and the piss in my bladder and beam them out of myself so I don't have to go to the toilet?

  • TIL Costa Rica has had no military since 1949

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  • Most of them are sitting or laying down

  • Sometimes, it's backwards

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  • Bruh I'm a software architect but I don't know how to code competently in any language.

  • A sorcerer appears and states that they will erase any one song from existence - which song would you choose?

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  • Later

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  • "Guys, he fell for it again!"

  • Is this a 2230 M.2 Slot?

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  • SATJA, duh

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  • Which crabs do we choose to represent us?

    Snow crabs? King crabs? The voice actor for Mr Krabs?

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  • Same, bro

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  • This is how they gain magic flight at Christmas time

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  • It's their continent, they are just letting us live on it for now

  • Languages

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  • BASIC: Am I a joke to you?

  • Don’t ever hand your phone to the cops

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  • "what's a phone?"

    "I don't know why my fingerprint isn't working" (biometrics are disabled)

    "I don't remember my passcode" (it's a pattern input field)

    "The guy at the phone place changed it for me"

    "It's never really worked right."

    "There's no Google on it tho." (What does this even mean?)

    "Who do you need to call anyway?"

    "Can't you just use your own phone?"

    Just act like the dumbest creature on earth.

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  • Gross, where? Specifically, where?

  • What are the best fictional books you’ve ever read?

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  • Roadside Picnic. it's a story of unmanaged survivors guilt, in an increasingly desperate and accurately depicted Soviet dystopia, where the players hustle and vie for mediocre survival even in an exceptionally bizarre, hostile, and literally alien environment, just as they would in any other terrestrial conflict zone.

    There's a good reason it spawned an epic film and 4 outstanding games so far

  • What do your work clothes/uniform look like?

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  • You're a model? Nice!

  • What do your work clothes/uniform look like?

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  • Do you want photos of my ID card and thumbprint too?